We live in a world where many of our decisions are still based on fear: fear of lacking what we need to live, fear of being perceived by others, fear of being judged by others, fear of illness, fear of losing our job, fear of the future, fear of death, fear of failure, fear of success, fear of being robbed, fear of running out of money, fear for our children, fear of being betrayed, rejected, humiliated, abandoned... and the list could go on and on.
Who has never experienced at least one of these fears?
No one has.
Some are more developed than others and every individual is different, but fear is an intrinsic part of every human being, whether we like it or not. And it takes rigorous and deliberate work to first broaden our intimate awareness of our own fears, and then to heal and gradually eliminate them. Life is in fact a constant healing process and everyone goes through this transformation at some point in their lives.
Yes, everyone does.
By default, the world we live in separates our personal life from our professional life. Have you ever realised how many of us are fragmented into different characters at different times in our lives? In fact, society expects us to separate our personal and professional lives as if, as soon as we walk through the "work" door, we have to put on a suit that masks certain components of ourselves for 8, 9, 10 or more hours every day. To finally get back to what we are deep down inside once we are out of work. Or not.
I have a lot of respect for work, I have learned so much through it, so my point is not to criticize working and dedicating myself to give the best of myself in a specific task, project or achievement. It is very satisfying for a human being as long as it is not driven by ego and lets the authentic being breathe and live in us so that it can blossom and develop towards its highest potential.
But is this what we really do? Is this really what is encouraged in all professional environments? And are we truly fulfilled in every moment of our lives?
To bridge this gap (sometimes this big gap), it is natural to seek to build a certain coherence in our lives and I have observed that very often the best coherent answer (best in the feasible sense) will be to organise personal life around work. And not the other way round.
That is to say, the system as it works makes it complex and difficult to start from who we are deeply as human beings and, from there, to determine what we have come to achieve during our life on earth and to develop ourselves around this objective. Some people have a very clear vision of their role from an early age, and there are few of them. Conversely, since we are young children and do not yet know each other well, we are quickly asked to know what we want to study or the type of work we want to do.
How often when we meet someone we don't know, the first question is: what do you do for a living? Working life is now a central pillar of our lives, part of our identity, we define ourselves, we recognise ourselves and we stand out through this pillar.
Yet each of us is who we are. Quite simply.
I am what I am
It can take years for me to realise, to discover, to understand who I really am: this is what the healing process of life is all about. And this hidden gem within us lies behind the fears, it is not accessible until we have worked on it to illuminate our own shadows. This is the real work that life asks us to do, whatever form it takes.
When the professional part of life takes up so much of our lives, when do we explore our own fears in it?
When do we allow human beings to delve deeply into themselves in the context of work when they are asked to produce ever more value? And what value are we talking about?
@HR leaders: is vulnerability perceived as a strength or a weakness in the organisation you work for? And what are you doing about it?
If it is a strength, fine, you can exploit it and easily define common expectations to help everyone develop even more.
If it's a weakness, when was the last time you talked to your business partners about it, individually or as a team? When are you going to engage and influence leaders to put in place a mechanism to accept and take advantage of the vulnerability? And how do you propose to reconcile vulnerability with performance (individual or collective)?
And, moreover, how do you personally resonate with the notion of vulnerability at work?
@Team managers: how often have you recognised and encouraged vulnerability in your team?
@Top leaders: how many times have you accepted to be seen as vulnerable and celebrated it as a strength?
Frankly, how many of us today can claim to be fully, completely and totally themselves through all aspects of their lives?
How many of us really take the time and courage to explore these inner fears, to understand our own contradictions and accept them instead of running away from what is ugly or uncomfortable?
Like this recent magazine cover showing a person working from home, sitting in front of a screen in a video conference, glass in hand: everything is clean and neat for those who share their life through video and everything beyond the video screen is messy, unstructured and even dirty. A clear illustration of the fragmentation of humanity, and all this fuelled by the fear of the other's gaze, the will to maintain what seems perfect in appearance (is it really perfect in reality?).
We are very often divided between what we are inside and what we want others to see of us. To say the least, our inner reality is messy, sometimes destructured, unless we devote energy, time and compassion to ourselves to cleanse and improve our inner self. It takes a little courage but it is well worth the challenge.
For fears that are not healed feed that unique shadow that needs to be unveiled.
How long do you think all this is tenable?
How long can we, individually or collectively, pretend that all is well, that we have found the culprits of our misfortune throughout the year, and that once our problems have been solved by outside rescuers, everything will be restored? Is this really what we think is symbolic of the year that is about to end? In all honesty?
How do we think we can not be divided collectively if within ourselves, well within ourselves, we have not worked on our own unity? One does not go without the other and the good news is that we have all the power within us to heal cracks and wounds and put the pieces together.
If the above words appeal to you, I encourage you to go to your favorite mirror, look yourself straight in the eye, and take a moment to dive into and take stock with integrity to reflect on your own oneness, your inner divisions and your fears.
Before you even think about healing those in society.
Take great care of yourself.
Written from deep in my heart with compassion
"Shadows" by ana branca is licensed under CC BY-NC 2.0
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