Like many of us facing the same worldwide situation that cannot be controlled or changed overnight, I have found myself quite vulnerable since the beginning of the year.
As if I was prevented by the circumstances to take off and fly - this made me feel for all the young generations facing this who are ready to fly and yet cannot fully take off.
As if I was powerless and helpless - this made me feel for the older generations facing this, forced to rely on the rest of humanity to come with the right solution for their life.
Felt like being the hostage of a larger situation where nothing that I was initiating was actually having a positive impact on my own life, the life of my family, the life of those around me. Also felt that all of us, the younger or elder ones, healthy people or more vulnerable ones, we were hostages in a way.
I felt trapped, losing my power, unable to use my natural energy for action to change the situation. Nothing was working as usual. I had lost all my bearings.
This has been tough. Conflicting emotions regularly surfaced that affected me:
Gratitude.
Feeling grateful of course to be so blessed that myself and all of my dear ones in our families and around us were healthy.
Anxiety.
But equally, I found myself anxious for the future, anxious to be able to overcome what we are presently facing. Anxious to be able to find ways to recover from all the material aspects that these strange 12 months have brought.
Doubt and confusion mixed together.
Have I navigated this period in the most appropriate way? Have I done all I could to remove or avoid obstacles? Have I made the right choices? Have we as parents done our best to guide our children through this so they do not suffer from any side-effect in the future? Many questions popping up, making me doubt of my choices.
And I also felt quite confused about the collective decisions greatly impacting daily life of everyone.
Are we all losing any sort of common sense?
As humans, have we really done our best to collectively support and help our most vulnerable ones?
Anger.
Acknowledging the feeling of powerlessness and all conflicted emotions has triggered anger.
Accepting to feel vulnerable has been a demanding inner process as I did not want it to be. I wanted to deny it, to be back to what I know best : be a generator, in the sense of grasping a situation, a context and generating solutions that help move forward. Either for myself or others.
But something in me asked to be revealed, faced and accepted. It took some time. In a sort of stop-and-go where each layer of the onion had to be peeled off one after the other and cherished as it is - and not as I wanted it to be.
It made me realise how upset I was feeling inside, that anger was constantly ready to grab any situation, any obstacle and cover it with its low vibration. I didn't like this and it fed the anger towards me even more.
Acceptance is so important.
Accepting that it is how it is. No need to control or make it the way we'd like. It's simply different.
Accepting that I am that I am.
Acceptance needs patience.
Starting by patience towards self. Then to others.
Patience is the key.
It brings other lenses on a situation, on self.
It is the entrance door to a new path.
A path that works hand in hand with time.
Confidence that patience will give time the opportunity to provide answers.
For answers always come.
All this took time. Every day during a couple of months, at any moment.
During the day on a need basis, taking time to observe what was surfacing, to acknowledge it although not to remain in it or controlled by it.
When waking up to start the new day enriched by the wisdom collected during the night.
When closing the day as a personal debrief to wrap up and prepare for a restful sleep. One day at a time.
This ability to heal ourselves in a very natural way, using all the organic resources within us, taking the time needed, is one of our many individual powers.
A deliberate daily practice to transform what was of low vibrational, slimy and heavy into awareness, knowledge and learning.
Finally compassion came. Deep heartfelt waves of compassion coming time to time, cleaning and lightning everything in me.
Acceptance and patience are major steps towards compassion.
I am that I am and I keep learning to love any part of it, whatever it is.
What a blessing....What a wonderful feeling of having received so much through this subtle and so important inner process.
By taking the time to acknowledge, face and accept, a completely different cycle started where I found my inner strength in a different way. It felt stronger and clearer.
The circumstances, the outer world, hurdles on the way... all this still exists but my perception has changed. A number of things will have to be fixed of course to recover from this situation.
It will resolve.
I don't know how yet but it will and the course of is now clear for me.
Feeling vulnerable is so powerful when we accept it.
It helps move forward through the journey of our own evolution.
In a deliberate and compassionate way.
Vulnerability is the gateway to clarity of mind.
While unsettling at the beginning, it is actually such a great tool available to recover the strength in us. To reconnect with our inner strength. To bring clarity on the path to take.
Vulnerability is a healing tool. And accepting it is a mindset that helps become stronger and stronger.
At first we fear it, it makes us uncomfortable.
Then we learn to accept it and see the power it has.
Like a tree that bends under the strong wind but does not break.
Like a bird blocked by the gusts that finally seizes this unique moment when the wind is carrying it away. Taking off again, towards its unique destination.
There is always a unique moment when we can take off.
Becoming strong through vulnerability.
"A blue heron taking flight into strong wind" by Vironevaeh is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0
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